'I turn into this different person, seriously, bipolar disorder': Britney Spears opens up about suffering from social anxiety in her new documentary I Am Britney Jean
She's one of the biggest pop stars on the planet but Britney Spears suffers from social anxiety, intense shyness, nerves, self-flagellation and worry.
In a revealing new E! documentary, I Am Britney Jean, the 32-year-old megastar opens up about the thundering disparity between her stage act and the real her.
'I have always been kind of shy, since I was a little girl. It’s who I am to be modest, so I really can’t help it,' said the Gimme More singer, while wringing her hands and fretfully staring at the ceiling, as she is prone to do when interviewed.
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Known for her outlandish stage acts and erotic videos the Outrageous singer said she has to step out of herself to play the role: 'It’s almost like it’s my alter ego when I get on stage.
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'I turn into this different person seriously. Bipolar disorder,' remarked the star, who famously shaved her head and crumbled under the pressure of fame in 2007.
The documentary, which aired on the E! channel in the US on Sunday, chronicled the Toxic star in the frantic four month preparation for her ambitious two-year Los Vegas residency at Planet Hollywood.
In video diary segments Spears talks of her evolution from pageant child to superstar:
'When I first started out I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, I was just happy to be there… then I started to realise there are a lot of mean things out there on the Internet,' she said.
Harking back to the height of her career and her subsequent collapse she said: 'There was a time when I couldn't leave the house without about 20 cars following me.
'It was a very difficult time for me…I felt really alienated.
'They [the paparazzi] kind of eased up after I didn't come out of the house for like two years,' she quipped wryly.
'I'm not really made for this industry because I am so shy. It’s not something that I deal with so well,' mused the one-time X Factor judge, while simultaneously conceding that she ‘doesn’t know anything different’ because she has been performing so long.
The performer claimed she gets her anxious streak from her father.
'Backstage I catch myself doing the same hand mannerisms as him and worrying and I'm like "Oh my god I’m turning into my f***ing father right now. This is horrible."
Interviews and large-scale promotions are not Spears' strong point and she is inclined to pull faces and mangle her hands.
'I'm not good in large groups, I just make everything more awkward,' she smiled.
Spears' Vegas residency was deemed to be the most ambitious of her career. As promotion 1,300 Britney lookalikes were assembled in the desert.
No expense was spared on the set, which is intended to be 'a representation of Britney's imagination' and included a fiery waterfall, pyrotechnic lighting and colossal 'three storey' tree.
A self-professed stickler Spears appears to favour a hands-on approach to gig planning – from designing her own sets and costumes to picking her own dancers.
'Being a perfectionist really sucks, it's a lot of pressure,' said the mother-of-two.
Dancing 24 songs per night there was huge quantities of choreography to master.
'I'm very hard on myself…but that gives me the motivation in rehearsals to make it the best it can be each time,' said Spears who appeared almost tearful in some segments of the show.
Britney's father often travels with her, and makes himself useful by mending things.
'I don't go anywhere without duct tape,' he announced.
But his presence on set makes his daughter feel awkward during her sexier scenes.
'She doesn't like shooting these kind of scenes with him around so I have to be the one to deliver the bad news to him, that's he’s got to…adios,' said her long-time manager Larry Rudolph.
Having kids has changed her outlook: 'I love sex. I think sex is great, but I feel a little different about it now that I am older. Sometimes I feel like I am 20 and sometimes I feel like I am 50.'
As the opening night approached the fatigued stage crew began working on a '24-hour schedule'.
The dancers were also close to breaking point.
'They're dancing for 12-hours a day, every day someone gets a new injury,' said the choreographer.
Laughing manically he added: 'The other day I saw one girl spew into her hand and run off stage…that's how hard they are getting pushed.'
Attempting to add a new song Alien to the set list at the eleventh hour added extra pressure.
'I just think it's one of those songs that draws you in every time,' Spears said about the tune, which she says describes the feeling of withdrawing from the world, and 'trying not to do that'.
'I tend to go inward when I’m under pressure. I keep it all in. When I'm really nervous I go really quiet.
The Thanksgiving holiday was spent at the home of Lynne and Jamie Spears, Britney's parents, along with her boyfriend David Lucado.
'He's a simple guy, he’s funny he's passionate and he gets what I do so it kind of works out, ' she said.
'This is a big year for me, it’s the first show I’ve done in two years…I am trying to let myself relax a little bit but not too much because I know that I have a lot ahead of me,' she sighed, while admitting she had 'hardly seen' Lucado in weeks.
Her sister Jamie Lynne spoke fondly of her megastar sibling: 'No one is harder on my sister that she is on herself,' she said, naming Britney as 'her second mama'.
'But I can kick her ass, any time of day. She doesn't mess with me because we’ve gotten into wrestling and she's like "Jamie Lynne's strong daddy!" '
'She nails me to the ground every time,' agreed Spears.
From a religious family Spears believes in a higher purpose: 'I definitely believe in forces out there other than us. Angels, guardians, protectors. I definitely believe in heaven, a place beyond our wildest dreams,' she said.
Now a veteran on the gig circuit Spears' says her 'favourite part' is the final two weeks' prep before the first show.
'The energy you feel is so electric. It's so fun.'
Clearly a devoted mother one adorable scene showed her sons Preston, 8, and Jayden, 7, watching open-mouthed as their 'mama' descended from the ceiling - while bathed in heavenly light and donning an angel costume.
'Look at mama,' they gawped.
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